Where I Live Now
by SkyeRose
Summary: Replacement piece for the episode 2010. Now that she knows the truth about the Aschen, how can Sam stop the end of the human race? Who can she turn to, when the man who used to be her greatest ally turned his back on her...on all of them? SamJack angst. OneShot


**Where I Live Now**

**Disclaimer: Nothing recognizable is mine.**

**A/N: Tag to 2010. Generally one of my least favorite episodes, but I was in a really angsty mood and this popped into my head. Technically a tag, but more of a segment replacement—what could have happened.**

**Enjoy!**

Sam stared up at the mountain that she had once called her home away from home. It was dark, but the floodlights illuminated the tall, rocky face enough to send waves of guilt and nostalgia over her. The stars looked washed out from the bright lights, but it was still beautiful...and painful.

She could almost-almost-pretend that nothing had happened, that nothing had changed. She could just walk right through those guard gates, flash her ID, descend into the depths of the mountain, and there would be her team. They would meet in the commissary for breakfast or hang out in her lab or banter during a briefing. Daniel would look sideways at her and make some conspiratorial comment, or Teal'c would nod his head slightly and raise an eyebrow, and the colonel...well...the colonel would look at her. Simply look at her and that would say a thousand words.

Sam felt tears spring to her eyes and she did nothing to swipe them away; another testament to how much had changed over the last several years. She never used to cry. Only in extreme circumstances that usually involved a team member getting hurt...that usually involved _him_ getting hurt. God, where had they gone wrong? What happened?

She was to blame, she knew she was. She supported the Aschen treaty from the beginning, despite what Colonel O'Neill kept insisting. He didn't trust them, didn't trust what they represented or what the treaty would entail. She didn't listen to him. When had she stopped trusting him?

Never. She never stopped trusting him. She just trusted them more. A pang of regret stung her and she hung her head. Slowly, she sat back in her car and drove away. But she wasn't going to her house. No...she was going home. And she was going to take the whole planet with her.

...

Sam looked at the cabin that she'd never agreed to go to before. It was still dark, but the first rays of pink dawn were beginning to streak the sky in the distance. It was beautiful. She hadn't told Joe where she was going, or even that she had gone. She had just hopped on a plane and came here.

It had all been too much. Nearly ten years since she last saw him-ten years of regret and hurt and _feelings_. They had never gotten their goodbye. The last time she saw him he had been arguing with her during a briefing with General Hammond. She was advocating the treaty and he was shooting it down. Hammond had called for a recess to let the two of them cool down. He had gone back into his office leaving the two officers alone in the briefing room. "Colonel, isn't it at least possible that you're wrong and the Aschen do just want to help us?"

"Of course, it is, Carter." He had closed his folder and walked to the viewing windows, turning away from her.

"Then why won't you trust me?" Sam, leaving her folder on the table, moved to stand next to him-looking at him instead of the gate.

"I do trust you, Carter." He turned to face her. "I don't trust them."

Sam didn't say anything for a moment, just studying him. He looked tired, his eyes dark and nearly unreadable. But there was something there...something like sadness and maybe a touch of regret. "Give it a chance?"

"I can't do that." Jack turned away again, the moment gone.

"Fine." But it was without anger. She understood. "Want to grab lunch? I hear the mess is serving pie." She tried for levity. Anything to get him back to his old self. To bring him back to her.

"Not hungry. I'll see you when Hammond calls us again."

Sam took a step back, then turned, picking her folder up from the table. "Yes, sir." She headed for the stairs, but something in his expression made her stop. "You will be here, sir?"

"Of course." But he didn't look at her.

She'd found out later that he'd handed his resignation to General Hammond and left the mountain. She'd pushed him and he'd done the unthinkable—he'd _left_. They tried getting in touch with him for months, but he knew how to hide. The treaty progressed and everything they had known was different; changed for what they thought was the better.

But it wasn't.

Everything was worse. And so, so dark.

Sam took a deep breath and stepped up to the threshold, hand raised to knock, but she paused. She could feel eyes on her—somewhere, in the dark, someone was watching her.

"Carter." The voice sent both a warm feeling to her heart and a pang to her stomach.

"Sir." Sam spun and seeing no one, stepped back out into the lightening dawn.

"Up here. And drop the sir. I'm retired." Sam tilted her head up and saw the winking lens of a telescope.

"Mind if I come up, si—Jack?" Sam moved towards the ladder, hesitating when he didn't respond right away.

"I've never stopped you before." He finally answered, but Sam frowned. It didn't really sound like an appropriate answer to her question.

"Okay." She made her way up the ladder and pulled herself onto the roof. Her former commanding officer was silhouetted against the gold and pink sky, a dark shape full of tension. She felt her heart skip a beat and her thoughts turned ironic. _'Even after all this time…even after my marriage…he still makes my heart beat twice what it's supposed to. He's still Jack O'Neill. But is he still the man I knew?'_ Sam shook her head to clear it of those thoughts.

"What brings you to my home on this…fine morning?" He said without turning around.

"Jack, I—we—need your help." She moved to stand next to him, but didn't sit.

"Do you now?" Still, he didn't look at her.

"Yes. Jack, I'm sorry. I should've listened to you. We all should have."

"Little late for that now, huh, Carter?"

"No, sir."

That got his attention. His shoulders stiffened and he moved back from the telescope.

"What do you mean, no?" His voice was scathing, but without anger.

"I think we can fix things, sir. I think we can change everything that's happened." She reached out as if she were about to lay a hand on his shoulder, but drew back at the last second. Ten years later, and it still wasn't her place.

"But why would you want to?" His tone had changed—become cold and sarcastic. "Don't you like the life you chose?"

"No, sir." Her answer was quiet.

"But isn't an alliance with the Aschen everything you wanted? What about our good Senator Faxon?" Sam flinched, but didn't stop him. "Aren't you happy with this brave new world?"

"Sir, we don't have a lot of time and I really—" But he cut her off, finally turning to face her.

"This world, Carter…this is where you live now." His eyes blazed, but there was no inflection, no tone in his voice. Sam swallowed hard and her eyes dropped from his gaze.

"I understand what you're saying, sir, but…this is not where I want to live." She took a deep breath, feeling those damnable tears filling her eyes again. "I miss _everything_. I miss everyone. I miss the SGC and SG-1 and our missions and—and you…sir." She coughed slightly, the last statement unintentional.

Jack didn't say anything for a moment, just studying the former major. It was a weird feeling—the past and the present colliding so violently. She looked the same, but she held herself differently. This wasn't his major.

But, oh, how he wanted her to be.

"Sir?" She paused. "Jack?"

He held her gaze for a long moment, morning sun glinting off of her hair. "I'm sorry, Carter. I said my piece and no one listened."

"So you're just going to stay here and wallow?" She burst, suddenly furious.

"Not wallowing, Carter. Dealing with." He turned away again. "This is where I live now."

**END**

**Please R and R!**


End file.
